Term Tests are coming...

I don't know why, but sometimes I just get a little sad over god knows what. Its just my anti-social-emo nature to do so, I can't help but be sad over things that goes on in my mind. The tendency to just suddenly disappear just to be alone is just driving me crazy, its just the sudden urge to isolate everyone and just be by myself sometimes for no good reason... Its not addiction to games or anything like that... Its just the need to be alone...

I know of crazy friends whom think im sad cause im single or never had a companion and finding one will somehow solve my tendency to emo... I don't want anyone or any companion, first of all I don't think I will find someone whom has the same interest as me or is like me in anyway... I don't want to hurt myself again over stupid things im just very very afraid of being scarred... I don't have the time or money to support/entertain her... & on top of that I plan to go overseas and might never see this little island again for good... and last of all im not very social... so I don't want one nor do I need one so stop saying like staying single is a bad thing or whatever... What if I don't want children? What if I just want to live the rest of my life alone or single?

I don't know, it seems I am surrounded by so many friends but yet I feel lonely... So whats the answer to this? Drinking seems like a nice short term answer... I feel like alienating quietly...

Maybe tomorrow I will spend some alone time with myself if possible...

The last min

Well, sorry that I haven't bogged in some time cause during my YOG break my sad anti social life has dwindled down to eat.sleep.starcraft. I just keep on playing and playing non stop all day...

Oh and Xu Jie recently picked up photography! Finally I have found the replacement photographer for production crew...

Ruzana invited all of production crew to her hari raya celebration but sadly only a handful is going... i feel sad for her...

Oh well I have had thoughts of migrating to the US and never coming back again. I don't know why... maybe I hate my life here. looking for a great life somewhere else sounds exciting. Like trekking Europe. I wish I could trek Europe on my own one day...

Back 2 rush studying for the 9.30am principle of dynamics exam...

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Is gaming laptops really necessary?

Finally found the time to reformat my computer! It was seriously flooded with a whole ton of viruses... At 1 point it was so bad, I was having a chat with my HACKER. Yup you heard it right, my hacker was actually chatting with me... Nice...

So that turned me from anti-antivirus to pro-antivirus. I helped my dad's company implement anti-virus to all the computers too so I have really done lots of research on this topic....

And finally, while I was surfing the web, I came across this advertisement on Dell's latest alienware laptop with a top notch graphic card! But looking at the size of the alienware series, you have to ask yourself these very important questions before you think about buying "gaming laptops"

Is it really necessary to game on the go? Are you carrying that huge laptop with you everywhere? Can't you game at home on a desktop and bring a thin small laptop for work?

Well I can never understand why there are gaming laptops...

Oh well

Stay Well,
Clement

a few mistakes here n there

Haha finally performed today, tough I made a embarrassing mistake, the minister was still a very nice guy.

I lost my handphone... omg.. I hope its at my grandmothers house... my parents are so gonna get pissed off cause its so new... ouch...

Really tired, gotta make sure I start studying tomorrow!!!

Pll read this?!!! =D

Hey, people actually read this ^^ wow! Im surprised some people can manage to find my little blog haha!

Anyway I shot 2 events yesterday, back 2 back and its really tiring. I slept not long after I came home.

Today will be my actual performance day!!!!!!!!!! For some event at Kallang CC. I will be performing with my teacher for a small group and also the Ex-Arts minister ><>

Oh n me an Xu Jie made an agreement!! Next friday, we are both going to buy starcraft 2 and he is gonna stay over at my house to play it!! Haha

Thats all

Stay Well,

Clement

Oh dear...

Looks like I don't even feel like going to class anymore.....

Needs a nice...

loves n hugs,
Clement

Time for a break

Sorry for everything that I,

Made you sad

Made you angry

Made you afraid

Something is wrong with me so im taking a break from dreamland and going back to harsh reality.

See you soon, hopefully.

loves n hugs,

Clement

Sophie!

Yup, I got my dear Sophie, my new D700. Been wanting to change to full frame for a long long long time... didn't have the courage or cash.

Now that I can finally afford the camera, I don't have anymore money left for the lens... T.T

Sophie needs lenses! Zzzz

I think I might have screwed up my POD"principle of dynamics" exam a little but maths was fine. Haha lucky tomorrow no test paper, can slack abit tonight, tomorrow then chiong!

I really need $$$

Sigh sadly missed seeing Taeyeon... aww I really wanted to see her... oh well

Regards,

Clement

2 Down! 2 To go!

Haha finally sold off the wideangle and the flash. Now left with 1 more lens and the camera...

Still can't get myself to really sit down and study haha... shit im so screwed this term test!!

Still hunting for my new equipment. Its so hard to find a decently priced one sigh... all ranged 4 digits n above....

Need moneh!! haha...

See ya

Stay Well,

Clement

Noo... French....

Havn't studied... totally can't force myself to do it. Hopefully I will do it tomorrow when im in school. Agreed to meet Noel early in the morning to study french as I have a test in the afternoon. Ugh... keep thinking too much...

Anyway my cam stuffs are officially up for sale on the internet, as my friends couldn't afford it after I offered quite a number of them.

Sometimes do you feel useless when you try your best to comfort someone, yet you are not helping but making the person feel worse? I don't know, its like you have no control over over many aspects of life, and all you can do is watch it happen.

Poor little bear didn't want to live anymore...

Stay Well,

Clement

FML...

When I finally managed to complete the dumb APEL-2 500 word report on a "disadvantaged group" I called up my friend to ask him how do I submit this. He then replies "you email your response to the first part to the tutor". Then I found out I only needed to write the first paragraph of that 500 and I wrote the whole thing out. The deadline was July..... FML...

Oh well conversation endings seems to be getting worse when on msn. It always ends awkwardly with both sides silent... It feels like crap to end that way... Maybe I will stop using msn soon... If that happens... Then I would be "Clement the anti-social guy" hahaha. Anyway it seems that way since im moving away from everything anyway. No one gives a shit anyway.

Random thought, maybe when ur born, they should give you a birth cert. It should say, "Congratulations! Welcome to this cruel world! Remember to enjoy the first 8 years cause you will never get it back!" Hahaha before you start getting social, monetary and health problems.

Bloody French test is this tues and I have no clue or motivation to study for it... Hopefully my other equally confused friend will study with me on monday...

On a brighter note, old home sound system amplifier broke down, going shopping with dad later to look for a new one... yay... <-- only source of happiness is materialistic behavior haha

Stay well,

Clement

Arrgh... don't ask me to do that...

Yea I would rather do that. Why on earth would "problem solving & process skills" (psps) module ask me to write a "creative ending" to a story? Im a ENGINEERING student not some STORYBOOK WRITER. Asking me to write a creative ending to a story is like asking a blind man to paint the 16th chapel on my ceiling....

Then after that I finally managed to finish that. I realised I still have APEL 2... And for all TP students you should know this...

Service Reflection (500 words minimum)

I was like what the hell?? And since I skipped the previous APEL I have no damn clue on how to write that... TP seriously needs to rethink their compulsory modules... Its a god damn waste of time. I could be better off studying for the French test or the upcoming Term Test but no... these dumb things have such a tight deadline...

Anyway as I said earlier I was going to sell my full set of camera equipment cause im doing a major upgrade... This is a really expensive move and to make things worse, the model im intending to buy has rumors that its going to be replaced soon. I really hope it does come out asap before I buy it cause its going to cause the price of that "now new" model to drop...

Shouldn't think too much and just pay hahaha...

Take care,

Clement

Sleep-over...

Izuan, Darryl, Keefe, Noel and Benjamin all came over to my house on friday night for a "Band of Brothers" marathon.. 10 episodes, each about a hour plus...

We watched till 7 before they had to go, didn't complete it. It needed too much time.

Whole house is a mess, have to recable a couple of stuff. Internet went down twice surprisingly. Couldn't source the problem. Everyone was too busy playing their stuff.

Im also selling my full set of Nikon equipment soon, maybe I will post the advertisement on sunday. Hopefully I can sell everything by sunday.

Tired as slept quite little. Haha on the floor in-fact cause I didn't have enough beds so 2 took the sofa 1 took the bed 1 took the mattress so Noel and I slept on the floor haha.

Got a whole buncha reports, editing, and stuff to do, maybe I will take a nap first.

Take Care,

Clement

Yea it indeed it is..... an option...

Quiz tomorrow. Reports to finish this weekend. Friends coming over. Violin to practice. Things to prepare to sell. Photoshoot next week. Photos to edit. Exams coming soon. Unable to finish studying.

Ho ho ho...

Exams are coming!!

Realized exams are coming really really soon!

After I drew out a "study plan" and saw how much I needed to do... I shat-brix....

Yeah if im aiming for a A.. im gonna have to start studying now, no more events next week... No drinking, dinners, CCAs whatever!

Which reminds me I got "high" yesterday after we went to 2FatMen which had a free flow of beer...

Not a very smart idea.... Should cut down....

Anyway I have decided to go FX on Nikon! Muhaaha

That means I might have to sell all my equipment etc... Its going to cost ALOT... REALLY ALOT!..

Should get back to "Principle of Dynamics" dumb quiz tomorrow... ugh...

Take Care,

Clement

Here comes the problems one after another...

Here the comes problems one after another...

Had a really bad stomach cram this morning.. So after calling many people for help on this lucky 1 friend answered.

So I took his suggestion and went to take a nap since I only slept about 3 hours as I had to wake up early to practice the violin.

So after a nap I felt much better but bec of some incident i was forced to go out and also run quite alot.

This time it got worse again so I called some friends again and lucky only 1 answered again. He ran outta suggestions.. Other than to see the doctor.

Only wanting to see the doctor as the last resort cause I thought it would go away if I let it be.

In the end it hurt so bad my mom dragged me to see the doctor in the middle of the night again....

Turns out I got gastric... Who would have thought... Maybe cause I skipped lunch? Or what exactly I dunno but it's kinda stupidly funny to just finish a set of medication last week and get a whole new set this week....

I'm sooo dying haha.

Stay well,
Clement

Ps. My sign off is kinda ironic haha

Sent from my iPad

Yay fantastic dinner. Haha.

Yay fantastic dinner. Haha.

Ever since I started hanging out with Ben, I have been going to nice places to eat almost every week! (not everyday lah once only)

Let me introduce Ben, he is a very influential food critic and his opinions are highly regarded. You can find him on the rapidly growing forum called "I Eat I Shoot I Post" which has gotten much publicity lately.

That aside last week's illness is gone but I caught a stupid cough after I just finished my medication -.-"

Seems like im not the only one with the cough as everyone around me seems to have caught it... I don't think its that serious yet so im just going to ignore it.

And someone managed to talk me into wanting to buy a new camera.. >.<
oh no... I can see much more of my money being burnt away on more gadgets in future...

And realized that my style of photography is more of event, rather than themed. I guess im able to cover events but themed I rarely get the chance to do so. I think I would need to shoot more cosplayers to improve my skill on that area of "themed" shooting.

At the end of the day, by just shooting events, I rarely get anything nice to put in my portfolio. Not that I really need one but it will be very nice to look back and be proud of that photo you took.

Just waited IP Man the first movie. I still feel that IP Man 2 is still way better haha. It had much much more buildup than the first movie.

I haven't had the initiative to practice violin this week :X im so dead when the teacher is coming in the morning. I guess im going to wake up extra early to practice for at least 2 hours before he comes...

And on top of that, still haven't got the chance to tidy up all my photos etc... and people are already pushing me to release it...

And hopefully I can update this blog that not many people read.

Stay Well,
Clement

Sent from my iPad

Ha Ha, always the wrong time to blog

Well first of all, the explanation for why my recent VLOG has come to a complete standstill. First of all, after shifting to HD, my content size has multiplied by 6. And with my current internet, it would take me 16+ hours a day to upload 1 episode. So till I have a solution e.g (faster internet) to this I would not be posting and videos and I will be archiving the videos for the day when I do have the bandwidth to do so.

Second of all, isn't it funny, only when there is something bad, do I bother to blog. Well for now I guess its back to plain old words again cause u know....

Anyway, as some of you know, I have tendered my resignation to my remodeling/diploma club. You must be thinking, "hey, I thought u really like flying rc and that club". Yah.. I know and I also did alot of things behind the scenes to support the club but I guess it went unnoticed and unappreciated.

That is fine with me, but now not showing me even a little respect after all I did for the club? Is that too much to ask? Well im not taking anymore of this crap.

Do you know why I love "Production Crew" cca so much? Cause no matter if you are just a crew or subcom or maincomm, it doesn't matter, they respect you and recognize your contribution no matter how small it is. Everyone is a big family. I had done alot less for production crew than I have done for that sad club last year, and yet they are truly the club what makes me enjoy myself so much everytime I see them.

A good friend once told me, how do you know if you did a good job as a committee member? You can never tell until the very end, when you hand over the club. How many people do you think respect you?

Im the second person to leave the club this "annual year". The member base is still pathetically small, we have never done any major event other than the workshop at the start of the year last year. We only went for 1 competition, and only with the hardwork of "certain" members did the team win a presentation prize.

Now tell me if im going to waste another year of my life putting up with all this? Sorry but no thank you, as much as I love my Diploma and my Hobby I don't have the time or patience anymore, I have got better things to do and spend my time on.

On a brighter note, really had fun today evening helping out on introduction workshop. Love you guys.

Love,
Clement

I hate my life, why me...

Ya that title seems to sound like any other typical emo teenager.... But I can't help but use that phrase when my last matchstick burned out in the winter...

After all the multiple troubles that I had to face up to these few week, this final setback was the final blow... I can no longer smile and pretend that everything is alright, everything I believed in has turned their back on me, everything that I am proud of is on the verge of being burnt to the ground. One after another, they keep coming and coming.

Sorry I am just being very vague, but I can't find anyone that I can trust to talk to anymore. I end up keeping everything to myself and I know that it isn't good to bottle up everything and smile at everyone everyday pretending nothing is wrong.

I need help but theres no one close enough to talk to or ask. Heck even I don't tell my parents about my troubles heck not even my brother. Why? Cause he isn't even close to me anymore, I can confess that I honestly talk more to my friends than I do to my brother. He is just I guy I see at night when I come home. Thats all. I don't even know his handphone number, let alone even think about smsing him. Heck even he doesn't even let me teach him for his studies cause we are not close at all.

If u say talk to my parents then. But you must realize that my parents are the last person I want to tell to about any of my problems. I know some of my friends out there are very close to their parents just like their brother, but my only concern here is to uphold a "perfect" image to them like "oh my grades are good" like "im attending class" and "im not getting into any trouble". Let them even have the slightest knowledge that my grades are slipping and they will nag the hell out of me and threaten to cut my allowance or privileges like going out.

So who am I left with here, friends? Nah even I don't tell my closest friend about my problems, only some, theres nothing he can do about it anyway, all he can do is laugh or give advice. All he can do is only so much.

So even if my closet friend can't help me, what about the others? Most of them are more concerned about making jokes about me than to even contemplate that I might be in deep shit.

I mean seriously, secondary has been the same, even poly is the same. Just because I have different liking for unconventional music or have different tastes doesn't mean that im that much different. Heck u make a joke or two, fine, but everyday? Im getting sick of it, its not funny anymore its bloody irritating, the same joke over and over, its becoming insulting.

And I have been told by many people that some people don't like me because of the way I talk, because it sounds offensive. I know that the way I talk might seem offensive, I even tried to stop it but I can't, its second nature to me, its just the way I do it. For those who know me better u know that I don't mean what I say in a offensive way although to majority of the people it may seem so. Im sorry but I just can't do it, I tried but it doesn't work. That doesn't mean I have stopped trying but it means that please next time if you find me offensive try and understand as I don't mean it that way.

You may say "ahh heck ur troubles are peanuts compared to those African children who might die if they can't find food". But I think you know better than I do, they have their problems and I have my problems. Heck even billionaire have troubles. Its not about having food on the table or shelter to live in. Its a whole different set of problems. Its about maintaining your reputation, maintaining your studies and your future career your social behavior your relationship with people.

Im not stupid enough to go and cut myself go think about suicide when im "emo" as I love my parents and it would be selfish to do so. I owe them my life and my job is to take care of them when they are unable to do so for themselves. Its just that its so difficult to maintain all these things. The most important thing to me now is having a career and a job that I love. I can't imagine the thought of dragging myself to work on somewhere I hate for the rest of my life. I want to enjoy my work so that I won't waste my life away. You only get to live once and thats it. No second chance, no hey I regret I should have studied harder then I would get a better job.

Now not only do I have to worry about my dropping grades, the near failure of one of them, social problems, ego problems, reputation problems and to add to those money problems.

Heck I have a debt of easily over half a thousand. Why? Long story short, shit happens. So one after another, my problems just keep coming and coming and coming but nothing seems to be going away, or is draining my life in the process taking up alot of effort. I can't just pray them away, heck I tried praying, and im starting to lose faith. Im starting to get the feeling the big guy up there is cursing me with all this shit.

So now whats my next option? Talk to a Councillor? Get help from a helpline? If I don't even tell my closest friend my problems, what makes it seems like im going to tell some random stranger my problems? Heck if I don't even ask my parents for money or help what makes it seem like im going to seek help from some random guy.

So now who can I turn to? Well my current answer is my lovable toy and alcohol. Why? Cause its been with me since young, through thick n thin and when I have no one to hug n cry it will be there. Thats why I love my Pikachu so much, if ur curious to know. Why alcohol? Cause it makes me feel better. And last of all my little violin which seems to be another thing to take my mind off things.

Why did I post this all of a sudden? Cause after what happened today, I can no longer take it anymore and hide all this depression and smile. I just can't take it anymore. Heck I know out of the handful of people who even bother to read my blog, all of them won't bother read this whole thing anyway cause it looks like a wall of text.

My life is crashing harder than the american stock market did during the housing crisis. Just when I thought there things are bad enough they just get worse.

As Billy Joel Sang,

I don't want clever conversation
I never want to work that hard
I just want someone that I can talk to
I want you just the way you are.

Thats all. Thanks. If you read the whole thing.

muahaha tickets

;D

Hahaha Guangting in ur face! :D

Poly ftw! Who ask u go JC?

I got a whole bag FULL of goodies!

Haha just went for a breifing today for the air show that im supposed to help out as crowd control. On the up side we get trade day tickets and lotsa freebies.

Alot of my favourite aircraft manufacturers will be there, Sukhoi, Boeing, Lockheed Martin, Northdrop Gruman will all be there too..

Was pretty late for production crew practice cause of that! Ugh..

Reached home at 1am.. totally sucky performers all so demanding force us to stay overtime to cover for them.

I realised that the show im taking up on 5 feb crashes with my air show, im in deep trouble.... I gotta find a solution or a replacement for me.

And I found out the name of that mysterious girl I keep passing by and says "Hi Clement" to me yet I don't even know her. lol

Stay Well,

Clement

The Creedence strikes back!

Haha lame title I know. Anyway after we managed to kick out that extremist from our club, he returned today to make more fuss, for his old plane which he broke himself he is now holding our club responsible for it, and demands we fix it for him before returning it...

Keong not wanting trouble just gave in just to get rid of him once and for all, I am very afraid in my next 2 years in tp I would have to fend off that guy from our club...

My heli developed some issuses today and for some weird reason unable to take off. That was kinda depressing after all the money and effort I put in.

On the bright side Mr Yu mechatronics course manager wanted my help again and this time to be his experimental craft test pilot. Well I was honored to and took up the offer :)

Went home early by 9 today as promised to my parents, I have production crew on wed thurs and fri which will be late... I don't know how I am going to convince them...

I'm gonna wake up at 5 tomorrow to chiong study for ssmat quiz! 4 chapters.... wish me luck :)

Stay Well,
Clement

My new violin!

Went down to plaza sing yamaha showroom to view the violin and after considering it they bought it! It feels and sounds fantastic.

There are strings attached though, I'm supposed to be home by 9pm everyday for the whole month... looks like no more hanging around in school till late at night.

Just got my allowance, hopefully I can spend less and save more this week! I really need to start paying my debts...

Stay Well,
Clement

Yay my heli lives!

Woke up around late morning today, for some weird reason I slept on the floor again... mum was angry again cause of that haha.

In the afternoon fixed my sunglasses and went to school to fix my heli, yong quan got his plane up and running again. Well Zen also totally wasted my time calibrating his heli which didn't work....

And my heli had its first maiden flight today, zen has the video so I'm still waiting for it.

Stay Well,
Clement

I really need to get one fast...

Well violin lessons went generally okay today except that the teacher made a big fuss about me using my old 3/4 size violin which was obviously too small for me.

He said if I practiced too much on the small one when I get the right size I would have to start all over since all the notes are in different locaions.

I found a brand named lutherie which is within budget, around 1.2k sgd. Hopefully my dad says okay and I can ask them to send it asap :)

Meanwhile I talked to Darren and he has kindly agreed to lend me his precious 1.6k violin for the time being.

Got almost everything done on my helicopter and tomorrow after installing and callibrating I should be able to test fly it. I should be asking other heli pros in the flying area for help on helping me set it up.

Stay Well,
Clement

I really need money...

Just accidentally broke my poor buggy's back wheel joint. Well by accident it flew off the second story, long story. On the bright side the rest of it is fine.

I really need to pay andy back asap so I can start buying spare parts and upgrades...

Skipped psychology lecture today, didn't manage to get much done, hopefully tonight I can rush all the way at home and finish my static n strength of material and maths.

My wallet has really nothing inside now... I hope Clive can at least pay me back abit of the huge amount he owes me...

Stay Well,
Clement

To jurong and back!

yup as the tile suggests I took a very long 3 hour journey from school to jurong and back all because of the final parts needed to get my heli up in the air.

I'm soo broke, total expenditure is at 80 today....
I so need to find a way to save more or earn some money.

we also shifted clubrooms today, the new room is smaller but more cosier after the buncha guys went to ikea and bought lotsa stuff. might post a pic soon.

btw zen got some serious stomach cram today and had to go to the hospital. pls pray for him
to get well soon :)

stay well,
Clement

Bad Timing

Went all the way to textile center at lavender from school to but some helicopter parts only to find it closed.

Then in the evening I rushed finish my maths assignment only to find out that I can't contact the tutor..

Then arrived at my friend's birthday party only to sat there for around 45mins before going home. I had to pay $10 for the damn cab fee there...

Seems like the whole day is all about bad timing haha.

We also test flew westly's plane, there was something wrong with it but keong insisted on flying it and ended up crashing it into the large rainwater drain, lucky it was still dry and he managed to get out almost unharmed.

Hopefully tomorrow is a better day. Wis me luck for my lab test!

stay well,
Clement

I hate crowded hawker centers!

Went to the hawker center at bedok for dinner with parents. Apparently there was some dispute with the hawker as she was touting and apparently we were sitting on "their" table... Plus the place was super crowded and the food took like almost half a hour to arrive.

Didn't go to school today, and apparently I totally forgot about the PC show that I was supposed to be involved today. Anyway I didn't attend the rehearsal so I doubt I would be of much help anyway.

Seem like theres some jam & hop event or something, didn't go cause I didn't know. Oh well.

Managed to clear of some things I needed to do but didn't have the time. For some weird reason Clive doesn't want me to teach him physics? lol